Fresh Start
A fresh start for all of us can be a great thing. Nature and life provides opportunity for great starts; a new year, month, week, day, hour. There are all kinds of opportunity for fresh start.
In that light we will begin 2010 with our 12 most common challenges found with ADHD and build upon what we already know. We are also going to be adding to the dozen challenges thereby making it a Bakers dozen, by adding a new one; your Success Style. Your success style is just your unique ways of approaching people, problems, procedures and pace.
We will consider all of these challenges, as I guide you through each of them month by month. This year we will approach each challenge and notice how we are currently navigating the waters of the challenge, how we have dealt with each challenge in the past and what we want for the future. In this fresh start, you are going to take what is already working well for you and build on that. So for this journey you will need a notebook, just something from the dollar store, as there will be homework to help you succeed.
Now let’s get started...In the past you have been successful in building relationships, solving problems, following or making procedures work for you and you can continue to build on that to do it more effectively. The requested assignment for this week is to reflect upon what is already working for you in your life. Write it down so that you can refer back to it during this journey.
I’m looking forward to going through the journey of 2010 with you.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Getting Started with ADD / ADHD How to get started
Getting Started, January 1, 2010
Getting started on projects is particularly difficult for those with ADD. The feeling of being pulled in many directions sometimes keeps one from starting projects. One solution may be to find a trusted friend or professional that is supportive. It is important that you feel good about yourself in the presence of this person. This person needs to be someone who is advocating for you. This person should be someone who will speak to you with clear thoughts and that you respect.
I find that discussing the project and all the aspects with someone starts to put perspective on the size and scope of the project. It will help to explore with your friend what is difficult and holding you back from starting the project. You may ask; Is it that you don’t know what to do first? Is it that you know what to do but don’t know how to accomplish it? Or is it that you know what to do and how to do it but the entire project seems overwhelming? You and your friend can work on a plan for breaking the project into smaller pieces, working on one section at a time to get the entire project completed. When you sequence out the steps, a state of overwhelm may become one of clarity and focus. The project may become doable in a shorter time frame than originally thought.
There may be other obstacles that you could discuss with your friend however you may need additional professional help. Questions you may ask; Are you feeling depressed? Are you eating correctly including proteins, fruits and vegetables? Are you moving your body throughout the day? If you find your answers need more help than your friend can provide this may be the time to seek help from your general practitioner.
Whatever the project is, often talking through the steps and the obstacles with someone you trust is extremely helpful. Once you have a plan, you will start and complete your project, increase your confidence and feel better about yourself.
Getting started on projects is particularly difficult for those with ADD. The feeling of being pulled in many directions sometimes keeps one from starting projects. One solution may be to find a trusted friend or professional that is supportive. It is important that you feel good about yourself in the presence of this person. This person needs to be someone who is advocating for you. This person should be someone who will speak to you with clear thoughts and that you respect.
I find that discussing the project and all the aspects with someone starts to put perspective on the size and scope of the project. It will help to explore with your friend what is difficult and holding you back from starting the project. You may ask; Is it that you don’t know what to do first? Is it that you know what to do but don’t know how to accomplish it? Or is it that you know what to do and how to do it but the entire project seems overwhelming? You and your friend can work on a plan for breaking the project into smaller pieces, working on one section at a time to get the entire project completed. When you sequence out the steps, a state of overwhelm may become one of clarity and focus. The project may become doable in a shorter time frame than originally thought.
There may be other obstacles that you could discuss with your friend however you may need additional professional help. Questions you may ask; Are you feeling depressed? Are you eating correctly including proteins, fruits and vegetables? Are you moving your body throughout the day? If you find your answers need more help than your friend can provide this may be the time to seek help from your general practitioner.
Whatever the project is, often talking through the steps and the obstacles with someone you trust is extremely helpful. Once you have a plan, you will start and complete your project, increase your confidence and feel better about yourself.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Perfectionism
Perfectionism
As I have stated before, perfectionism is a concept. We as humans can only imagine perfection, what it is and how to achieve it. However, this is a flat illusion. We have no idea what true perfectionism is, but we know it is a coveted concept that many strive to achieve.
When we think of the “perfect world,” each of us has an image. This image is defined by the clarity of our values and the amount of time, energy and money we have to develop this illusion. When we take these items into consideration what we come up with is our “good enough” for the moment. We make decisions on our perfectionism by analyzing our resources and comparing them to the results we desire.
For instance, once we have the question determined that we need to resolve. We then analyze the outcome by penalty vs. benefit. What is the penalty for not completing the task at all? Do I have the resources to complete this task? What is the penalty for giving 50%, 80%, 90% to the task? What negative effect will this decision have on me, my family, my friends or my employer? On the other side, what is the benefit of doing this task? Will there be a future benefit? What is the benefit of completing this task with 50%, 80% or 90% effort? Depending on resources, will this help with getting a raise, promotion or savings of resources? How will completing this task benefit me, my family, my friends or my employer?
Each of us has our own “perfect world” scenario.
We have individual values, benefits and penalties that we associate with each task. In the end we must answer the questions; what is the penalty for not making it perfect? And what is the reward for making it perfect? Then when we put the answers up against our values and resources we can make an informed decision about each task.
As I have stated before, perfectionism is a concept. We as humans can only imagine perfection, what it is and how to achieve it. However, this is a flat illusion. We have no idea what true perfectionism is, but we know it is a coveted concept that many strive to achieve.
When we think of the “perfect world,” each of us has an image. This image is defined by the clarity of our values and the amount of time, energy and money we have to develop this illusion. When we take these items into consideration what we come up with is our “good enough” for the moment. We make decisions on our perfectionism by analyzing our resources and comparing them to the results we desire.
For instance, once we have the question determined that we need to resolve. We then analyze the outcome by penalty vs. benefit. What is the penalty for not completing the task at all? Do I have the resources to complete this task? What is the penalty for giving 50%, 80%, 90% to the task? What negative effect will this decision have on me, my family, my friends or my employer? On the other side, what is the benefit of doing this task? Will there be a future benefit? What is the benefit of completing this task with 50%, 80% or 90% effort? Depending on resources, will this help with getting a raise, promotion or savings of resources? How will completing this task benefit me, my family, my friends or my employer?
Each of us has our own “perfect world” scenario.
We have individual values, benefits and penalties that we associate with each task. In the end we must answer the questions; what is the penalty for not making it perfect? And what is the reward for making it perfect? Then when we put the answers up against our values and resources we can make an informed decision about each task.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Managing Information # 2
Managing Information...part 2
Mail, that is that from the U.S. Post Office, is one thing wherein you often receive much information that you did not ask to receive. What to do with all of this information? One good strategy I learned from a friend works like this. Go to your mailbox, pull out all the mail. Then go to a dumpster or trash can that is outside (before ever going into your home) and throw away the stuff that you do not need. Do not even bring it into the house! After which you are only bringing necessary or needed mail into the house. Now, what do you do with this influx of information?
You can have a sorting tray so you can have pre-selected categories such as bills to pay, action needed, file. You then may set aside a time once a week when you go through the mail, write the checks, check any statements for accuracy, take actions needed such as completing forms, making calls, writing notes and sending out mail.
On the other hand, you may prefer to handle the mail every day as it is picked up. In this case you can select a time of day when you will pick up the mail, sort it out over the trash can, sort it by category in trays and act on it all at the same time.
I suggest handling, sorting and acting on mail no less than at least once per week. If possible once a day may be a good way to start and get control of your mail.
If one is ever behind on the mail, the first step is to start handling the mail that comes in today, today. Keep that a priority and only go back to old mail after the mail of the day is handled. As mail goes, with reminders and such, typically within 30 - 45 days of handling what comes in daily as it comes in, one is caught up with at least 95% of the mail. Then, when there is time and energy to devote to old, unprocessed mail, set aside time to go through this stack of mail.
Whenever going back in time to catch up on mail, go from today, backward to yesterday and so forth. In other words sort the most recent mail first. The key here is establishing and follow a new habit of what comes in today is looked at first. You should look first for payments to YOU and bills to pay as these are most important. As a second round back, perhaps if you notice something important, something unusual or something you do not recognize, handle those next. Finally, go through the rest of the mail over the trash can throwing out everything you possibly can.
It is hard to find many exceptions, although there are some, to handling first the information coming in today, establishing that habit today forward...whether it is postal mail, email, phone calls, voice mail, fax, notes and papers on the desk or floor. Remember our motto, most recent first.
If it is hard to get started remember to ask someone who gives you good support to be in the home with you while you work, someone with whom you feel comfortable, supported and not judged negatively.
Get your new systems, strategies and routines started today to handle today’s information!
Mail, that is that from the U.S. Post Office, is one thing wherein you often receive much information that you did not ask to receive. What to do with all of this information? One good strategy I learned from a friend works like this. Go to your mailbox, pull out all the mail. Then go to a dumpster or trash can that is outside (before ever going into your home) and throw away the stuff that you do not need. Do not even bring it into the house! After which you are only bringing necessary or needed mail into the house. Now, what do you do with this influx of information?
You can have a sorting tray so you can have pre-selected categories such as bills to pay, action needed, file. You then may set aside a time once a week when you go through the mail, write the checks, check any statements for accuracy, take actions needed such as completing forms, making calls, writing notes and sending out mail.
On the other hand, you may prefer to handle the mail every day as it is picked up. In this case you can select a time of day when you will pick up the mail, sort it out over the trash can, sort it by category in trays and act on it all at the same time.
I suggest handling, sorting and acting on mail no less than at least once per week. If possible once a day may be a good way to start and get control of your mail.
If one is ever behind on the mail, the first step is to start handling the mail that comes in today, today. Keep that a priority and only go back to old mail after the mail of the day is handled. As mail goes, with reminders and such, typically within 30 - 45 days of handling what comes in daily as it comes in, one is caught up with at least 95% of the mail. Then, when there is time and energy to devote to old, unprocessed mail, set aside time to go through this stack of mail.
Whenever going back in time to catch up on mail, go from today, backward to yesterday and so forth. In other words sort the most recent mail first. The key here is establishing and follow a new habit of what comes in today is looked at first. You should look first for payments to YOU and bills to pay as these are most important. As a second round back, perhaps if you notice something important, something unusual or something you do not recognize, handle those next. Finally, go through the rest of the mail over the trash can throwing out everything you possibly can.
It is hard to find many exceptions, although there are some, to handling first the information coming in today, establishing that habit today forward...whether it is postal mail, email, phone calls, voice mail, fax, notes and papers on the desk or floor. Remember our motto, most recent first.
If it is hard to get started remember to ask someone who gives you good support to be in the home with you while you work, someone with whom you feel comfortable, supported and not judged negatively.
Get your new systems, strategies and routines started today to handle today’s information!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Time Management Part 2
Time Management Part 2
There are a couple of systems and strategies or “tricks and tools” I use for time management that may be useful to you.
One thing is that I prefer to have time pieces (watches and clocks) that have an hour and minute and second hand on them. There is something about those time places that gives the sense of time passing to me…deep into my bones that a digital/numerical clock does not.
Next, and more importantly for me, is the use of day planners that allow me to have monthly views. I prefer to visually see at least one month laid out at a time, however often at least 3 months laid out in advance is extremely helpful. I have some large laminated calendars in my office that show the big stuff, or stuff I must remember such as travel departure date, return dates, and place, key meetings that may happen once a month or less (so that I remember them). That way, when I am planning for workshops, coaching calls or additional travel, I can see what space is available for further planning. I can also get a sense of what type of rhythm is forming and working for me in my schedule. I tend to plan my schedule in chunks of a month at a time for the big stuff, review a week out on Sunday evenings, and the next day coming the evening before.
I also use a calendar I can access on line (via the internet) that is viewable by day, week or monthly formats. It is easy to schedule recurring coaching calls and other recurring activities with the ability make adjustments quickly. It does not give me as large of a view as I like to have sometimes, that is why I still duplicate some of the events in my internet calendar on my wall calendar.
If time seems elusive to you, experiment with these tools: a clock and watch with hour, minute and second hands, a large wall calendar with at least a 2 month view, and a paper or electronic day planner that is easy for you to see at least a one week and one month view. Be sure to first place key activities; such as work, class, health & wellness appointments, and any key thing; such as grocery shopping, that you want to make sure get done on the calendar. Then, with whatever time may be left, add the other stuff. It is essential that you schedule time for fun and social interaction for your own peace of mind, sense of well being, and to regroup for the rest of life.
There are a couple of systems and strategies or “tricks and tools” I use for time management that may be useful to you.
One thing is that I prefer to have time pieces (watches and clocks) that have an hour and minute and second hand on them. There is something about those time places that gives the sense of time passing to me…deep into my bones that a digital/numerical clock does not.
Next, and more importantly for me, is the use of day planners that allow me to have monthly views. I prefer to visually see at least one month laid out at a time, however often at least 3 months laid out in advance is extremely helpful. I have some large laminated calendars in my office that show the big stuff, or stuff I must remember such as travel departure date, return dates, and place, key meetings that may happen once a month or less (so that I remember them). That way, when I am planning for workshops, coaching calls or additional travel, I can see what space is available for further planning. I can also get a sense of what type of rhythm is forming and working for me in my schedule. I tend to plan my schedule in chunks of a month at a time for the big stuff, review a week out on Sunday evenings, and the next day coming the evening before.
I also use a calendar I can access on line (via the internet) that is viewable by day, week or monthly formats. It is easy to schedule recurring coaching calls and other recurring activities with the ability make adjustments quickly. It does not give me as large of a view as I like to have sometimes, that is why I still duplicate some of the events in my internet calendar on my wall calendar.
If time seems elusive to you, experiment with these tools: a clock and watch with hour, minute and second hands, a large wall calendar with at least a 2 month view, and a paper or electronic day planner that is easy for you to see at least a one week and one month view. Be sure to first place key activities; such as work, class, health & wellness appointments, and any key thing; such as grocery shopping, that you want to make sure get done on the calendar. Then, with whatever time may be left, add the other stuff. It is essential that you schedule time for fun and social interaction for your own peace of mind, sense of well being, and to regroup for the rest of life.
Monday, August 10, 2009
The Big Goal
The Big Goals Part 2
Just as we alluded to in the Big Goals original posting, when you state your goals in the SMART way, you have a scientific approach to achieving your goals. However there is the artistic side of setting a big goal that needs to be incorporated into the process. The artistic portion has to do with your inner motivation and personal values. It answers the question what do you want? by achieving this Big Goal.
In our previous example, we had set the goal of reading for one hour per day five days per week. In this example we didn’t specify; What do you want to read? Why do you want to read? What will you gain from this reading? So we set the SMART goal however we didn’t address the artistic side of the Big Goal. There are a wide variety of book genre’s to look at, fiction, self-help, finance, technology and leadership, just to name a few. Now comes the hard part, you will need to set the specific books you would like to read. You will choose five (5) books that would top your list and set the Big Goal to read them. Since we don’t know how fast we will read the books, we can’t specify an end date. However, our goal is one hour per day for five days per week, therefore we have set aside the time to complete the goal. We aren’t setting an end date on this goal so we can work until we achieve it and that will be fast enough. We have amended our goal to: I want to read these five (5) books for an hour a day for five (5) days per week. We are incorporating the artistic and SMART processes together to get our amended Big Goal.
Remember there is a difference between personal big goals and work big goals. In the work environment, there are many deadlines and rigidness to the goals at hand. While we can still incorporate the SMART and artistic goal setting process, we must remember that deadlines at work must be met and accommodate for these.
For both work and personal goals, the main thing to remember is to break it down into small pieces (an hour 5 days per week) and celebrate your small successes. When you think about Big Goals in this manner it will keep you focused and relieve some of the overwhelming stresses that usually coincide with Big Goals. It’s okay to enjoy the work to achieve success and its okay to leave a little thirsty for more every day. A great way to think of a Big Goal is that it is just a bunch of small goals sequenced together to achieve success.
Just as we alluded to in the Big Goals original posting, when you state your goals in the SMART way, you have a scientific approach to achieving your goals. However there is the artistic side of setting a big goal that needs to be incorporated into the process. The artistic portion has to do with your inner motivation and personal values. It answers the question what do you want? by achieving this Big Goal.
In our previous example, we had set the goal of reading for one hour per day five days per week. In this example we didn’t specify; What do you want to read? Why do you want to read? What will you gain from this reading? So we set the SMART goal however we didn’t address the artistic side of the Big Goal. There are a wide variety of book genre’s to look at, fiction, self-help, finance, technology and leadership, just to name a few. Now comes the hard part, you will need to set the specific books you would like to read. You will choose five (5) books that would top your list and set the Big Goal to read them. Since we don’t know how fast we will read the books, we can’t specify an end date. However, our goal is one hour per day for five days per week, therefore we have set aside the time to complete the goal. We aren’t setting an end date on this goal so we can work until we achieve it and that will be fast enough. We have amended our goal to: I want to read these five (5) books for an hour a day for five (5) days per week. We are incorporating the artistic and SMART processes together to get our amended Big Goal.
Remember there is a difference between personal big goals and work big goals. In the work environment, there are many deadlines and rigidness to the goals at hand. While we can still incorporate the SMART and artistic goal setting process, we must remember that deadlines at work must be met and accommodate for these.
For both work and personal goals, the main thing to remember is to break it down into small pieces (an hour 5 days per week) and celebrate your small successes. When you think about Big Goals in this manner it will keep you focused and relieve some of the overwhelming stresses that usually coincide with Big Goals. It’s okay to enjoy the work to achieve success and its okay to leave a little thirsty for more every day. A great way to think of a Big Goal is that it is just a bunch of small goals sequenced together to achieve success.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Inner Motivation, Part 2
Inner Motivation, Part 2
What is important to you? What makes your heart sing? What makes the time go by quickly? These are the tasks that you do that utilize your Inner Motivation. When we are absorbed in a task and the time flies by this is usually a task that motivates you. These tasks are followed by feelings of satisfaction, heartwarming pleasure, peacefulness, joyfulness and happiness. Intrinsically, these tasks are somehow deeply important to us so when we complete them we feel great.
The challenge this week is to notice the tasks you complete. Some will be fulfilling and some won’t be fulfilling. The goal is to notice the tasks that you get lost in doing and bring a smile to your face at the end of the day. These are the tasks that motivate you from the inside and are easy for you to complete. If you have tasks that don’t give you that feeling of satisfaction, our future goal will be to change how the tasks are completed or figure out how to delegate them to someone who will be motivated by them. However, this week we are just noticing the tasks and how we are motivated to complete them.
What is important to you? What makes your heart sing? What makes the time go by quickly? These are the tasks that you do that utilize your Inner Motivation. When we are absorbed in a task and the time flies by this is usually a task that motivates you. These tasks are followed by feelings of satisfaction, heartwarming pleasure, peacefulness, joyfulness and happiness. Intrinsically, these tasks are somehow deeply important to us so when we complete them we feel great.
The challenge this week is to notice the tasks you complete. Some will be fulfilling and some won’t be fulfilling. The goal is to notice the tasks that you get lost in doing and bring a smile to your face at the end of the day. These are the tasks that motivate you from the inside and are easy for you to complete. If you have tasks that don’t give you that feeling of satisfaction, our future goal will be to change how the tasks are completed or figure out how to delegate them to someone who will be motivated by them. However, this week we are just noticing the tasks and how we are motivated to complete them.
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